Growing up as a French and Chinese biracial kid, life was confusing.
I didn’t know what was “normal,” or what should’ve been expected of me as a functioning member of society. Of course, my parents raised me to their cultural standards, beliefs, and practices, but going to school every single day and being reminded that I was different made me want to jump out of the cultural box that I was encased in to be able to stand out less. Anything that I could do to be less like a foreign alien, I did; whether it was picking up “cool” English slang, to wearing “trendy” clothes, or speaking less French and Chinese around my friends. To this day, it is still embarrassing for me to speak a different language in front of other people. The complex and foreign words that left my lips felt like a blade that would cut the fictitious rope that tied me to my friends. It only added to me being foreign from my peers.
Looking back on my experiences now, I wish I was more accepting of who I was. Now, I am slowly starting to embrace my culture and embrace the beautiful heritage that I come from. That could have all changed if, at school, I was taught that being different was not a bad thing. Perhaps that we are all unique and wondrous creatures. Maybe if the curriculum that I learned in or the movies that I watched would include a Chinese kid in their stories, songs, or drawings, that I would have felt more accepted. Maybe, just maybe, I could have, as an Asian American, been included the way that the other kids were. The other kids who happened to be similar to a character in a book that the teacher read, or in a movie that I watched on TV. The kids who weren’t so foreign.
Unfortunately, society is heavily appearance-based. That means that because I do not look like my other Asian friends and because I also do not look like my White friends, I do not belong; rather, I am ostracized from every single category that society longs for me to conform to. It seems that having people that stand out or are different appears to be unacceptable in the environment that is our country. It is difficult to grow up surrounded by that exclusion which is why there must be a change, and it all starts with our school systems.
Throughout my life, I have been surrounded by different influences, expectations, and experiences. Everyone expected me to have great grades, and my school expected me to also be an incredible student. The kid I was in elementary school did not know how to react when people would come up after the addition quiz and ask how I did. When I said that maybe I did not do well, I was met with the classic,“But aren’t you like Chinese? Why don’t you have glasses? Maybe that’s why you didn’t do well.” Other times, when I did do well, it was the,“Of course you did so good, you’re Chinese. Unbelievable.” Several students throughout my life have stopped me in the hallway or at the playground to let me know what their older sibling had said or what they had read on the news:“My brother said that the Chinese should get out of the country. He said they’re why he didn’t get into college.” I didn’t even know why I was the one being told this or what his intentions were, but it made me feel guilty. I felt as if I was personally responsible and was the reason that his brother did not get into college. I felt as though I was the culprit.
All of these experiences, though, have made me who I am today. I have learned that I am more than what other people think of me, despite all of the stereotypes burdening my life. I add each experience, negative or positive, to the pages of my life and with that, I give you the book of me: Emmy Demorre.